HALLOWIENERS, MUMMY DOGS AND WHO'S FRANK?

RATED PG-13

Well, I can't tell you how excited Elvira got when I told her about the HalloWIENERS, MummyWIENERS and GhostWIENERS.  She really is such a slut.  She just couldn't wait to get her hands on those Oscar Mayers, humming that little 'Oh I wish I had an Oscar Mayer Wiener' tune.  I haven't seen her this happy since she told a guest on her show to 'Grab your tool and start banging!'.  OK, you see this is only going downhill from here.  She snatched that package-o-wieners out of my hands, gently took them out of their wrapper and asked me what she was supposed to do with them?  "Where's the big ones...I mean brats?  I bet you think these are 6" wieners and where the heck is Frank?"  Well, I had to take over and just in time.  Scary just thinking about it.

These fun little bites (or big ones, depending on your depth perception) can be timid or spiced up for the grown-ups, simple or a bit more graphic.  So let's see what comes up...so to speak.

HALLOWIENERS/MUMMY DOGS

Easy, kid version

Grab a package of your favorite hot dogs, turkey franks or tofu things
1-2 packages of refrigerated crescent rolls
sliced American cheese
mustard

Separate the crescents by twos, pinch seams and cut into 1/4" strips--carefully stretch the strips into a thin rope.  Cut a small slit in the wiener and insert slivers of cheese.  Starting at top of wiener, wrap with crescent strips leaving a space at top for it's cute, little face.  Place on Pam'd or parchment-lined cookie sheet.  Bake at 350" until puffy and done--about 12 minutes.  Dot small mustard dots for eyes.   Serve with mustard or 'bloody' ketchup for dipping.

Adult version

Get hot dogs or bratwurst
2 packages of crescent rolls
Pepperjack cheese
spicy mustard
jalapenos, optional
whole cloves if you want to be cute and really care if they look like mummies

Plain mummies can be done exactly as kid version except slip in a few chopped jalapenos and brush inside of cresent strips with spicy mustard before rolling dogs.

For hilariously-formed mummies:

Prepare the limbs - cut 4 hot dogs into thirds.  Take the 4 center pieces and cut in half lengthwise (these will be legs).  The two ends left over will be the arms.  Wrap body (whole wiener) first then attach two of the cut hot dog end pieces to a full uncut dog (the body) with a toothpick--stick out of the arm so it can be removed after baking.  Attach leg pieces accordingly.  Wrap with dough--leaving face' and 'hand ends unwrapped.  Insert cloves or peppercorns for eyes, make tiny slit for mouth.  If you are having an adult only party, add anything Elvira-ish where appropriate (male or female).  Bake, when done remove toothpicks and serve with spicy mustard, spicy ketchup (add a little chile powder or Tabasco) or curry-mayo.

GHOST WIENERS

Cut hot dogs into thirds, cut crescent pieces into 3-4" circles with anything that size--shot glass, lid, etc.  Stand up dog on Pam'd cookie sheet, drape with crescent--shaping into ghostly apparition, poke peppercorns for eyes and after baking remove.  Bake and boo!  Your wieners are just downright frightening.  Don't get a complex.  Size really doesn't matter.

BONE APPÉTIT!