Goodbye, Stella

Stella was a beauty with raven black hair and piercing golden green eyes.  She loved to joke and would often hide, wait and jump out of nowhere to startle you.  Her smiles were almost imperceptible but we knew when she was happy and we definitely knew when she was not.

We cannot know when life turns a corner and everything that was good and right turns ugly.  We are never ready to hear the words that tell you the worse is coming because you have to make decisions you never want to make.  Your baby is dying.  There is nothing left to do.  Your heart is pulled straight out of your chest, thrown on the ground and smashed to pieces.  Surely, it's a mistake.  Another test?  A misread x-ray?  Why can't you do something?!!  But nothing can be done.  You know you are saying goodbye to the one who gave you such joy and laughter.  You cannot imagine life without her.

The tears come hard as you stop hearing what the doctor tells you.  The world stops as you hold her in your arms one last time.  Her breath comes hard and then stops and a part of you leaves and it will never be the same again.

Tomorrow or the next days or weeks or months, your heart hurts a little less and you realize you aren't seeing her or hearing her when she isn't there.  Tomorrow or a hundred days from now, you will remember her and smile and the tears will stop.

 May you find peace in fields of flowers kissed with sunshine, Stella.